A bigger piece of the pie? {Hey, Jealousy}

October 28, 2014

So, You should go watch this. Seriously, it only takes 4 minutes. I love Glennon Doyle Melton. And I think she’s absolutely onto something here. This echoes one of my first posts about rejoicing in each other’s glory.

We all experience jealousy (close cousin to insecurity): I wish I had written that. I wish I had made that picture. I wish I had gotten that award, gone on that trip, gotten that job. Perhaps there is something instructive in jealousy. It might serve to point us to what our heart desires and what path we should travel down. But of course, it can be deceiving. I think Glennon is right on in saying that we miss the point if we think we are all fighting for a piece of the same pie. There is enough for all of us. Enough love. Enough opportunity. Enough praise. Enough attention. Not to mention I might really love strawberry rhubarb while you are a die-hard French Apple fan (Ok, actually, I love them both). Point is, girls. we’ve each got our own dessert to enjoy. When we feel otherwise it’s because we’re too busy looking at the table next to us (oh, I should have ordered THAT! That looks delicious. I’m totally missing out) to see the delicious offering in front of our face.

It all comes full-circle, back to that question again. “God, who do you say I am?” If we are asking him, then we already know there is enough. That He is Good. That He loves to give good gifts to His children. That He has our days planned before we even came into being and our days are in HIS hands. Then we can rest the grace we’ve been given and say “It is well with my soul.”

But still, that jealousy. That monster doesn’t die easily. I battle it. We all do. Here’s the truth that stings:

Insecure women mask their insecurity by tearing other women down. Wise women handle their insecurity by raising other women up.


I’ve been insecure and I’ve been wise.  What helps me most is to practice expressing to the strong, beautiful, talented, wise, creative, generous women in my life how much I see and appreciate their gifts. Calling them out for how amazing they are gives us a bridge to cross to each other, to find joy together in the ways that we are each made. And then we can see that we have so much to learn from each other, that we are all in this crazy thing together. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. Go tell someone you admire and maybe are the teensiest bit jealous of what you admire about them. When we express GRATITUDE for each other’s gifts, jealousy is diffused. Like Glennon says: We are not fighting for a bigger piece, we are fighting for a bigger pie.

Tell me. What does your pie look like?  How about the pie at the next table that you want instead? When you feel like other women are competition what do you do?

Read more of the 31 Days of conversation here.